Why must you all give in to alcohol and drugs? I feel like a social pariah simply for refusing to take part in a so-called ‘social habit’. Which doesn’t really make you fit for society. I see perfectly decent people and am instantly disgusted by their need, compulsion, desire to smoke, drink, or any other verb used for this subject.
It’s just disgusting.

And by ‘that time’ I mean it’s time to post another blog. Life is going great for me academically. Interesting. Speaking of, that’s all I’ve been focusing on lately. Which brings me to my first clinical rotation. One of the techs there, in an attempt to get me to open up to the others, started probing me with questions. Quickly, she went into relationships and asked if I had a girlfriend. My only answer was no, to which she quickly replied with, “Why?”. My mind raced for answers, not really knowing ‘why’, but at the same time, I just didn’t want to say the truth. About two seconds later I replied with, “I’m…chronically shy…” But why don’t I? I don’t steal, lie or cheat. I don’t smoke or drink. I don’t swear profusely. I’m obviously goal-oriented. Arrogance is louder than brilliance. People are attracted to noise. Hmm. That got off topic from what I wanted to speak of:

THIS IS A SEGUE.

So yeah, my first rotation loved me. As did my second. At Wal-green’s, one of the pharmacists there mentioned that she would definitely hire me if she had her own pharmacy. Another asked me to mention to my teachers to continue sending techs to their store; that they “could use the excellent help”. If I keep this momentum, I’ll definitely get a job at Memorial Hermann Hospital! Just a few more days.

[EDIT] Perhaps that is exactly why I am single. So many of the things I do have become the norm that I’m just repulsed by those that partake in such activities.

School is tough. We’ve had at least one quiz every week and a crapton of material. Last week we had three tests in one day. Tomorrow we’re having a quiz and a test. Thursday calls for another quiz. Monday calls for another quiz and test. This isn’t even including the homework the teacher’s never remind us of or post on the calendars on BlackBoard.

PharmTech school is tough.

Tired future street pharmacist is tired.

So, as infatuated as I was, I’m not feeling it anymore. I don’t want to keep getting blown off. I don’t want to be someone’s fourth priority/option. I don’t want to be left in the cold until it’s convenient. I want someone to always be there for me as I will for her. I’m not doing this on a whim; it’s been growing for some time now and it just doesn’t seem like it’ll get any better. As short-sighted as it may seem, it just doesn’t feel mutual. Here I am with more than a full course load, but I still make time for friends. Like I said, I just don’t want to be someone’s fourth priority.

She’s out there somewhere. I will meet her one day.

Some day soon.

Some days i just don’t know what to think. I always seem to overanalyse and misjudge things based on little information and a lot of misunderstandings.

I don’t know what to write on these things.

I haven’t felt this way about someone in the longest while. It almost feels new and overwhelming; and to a certain extent it is. I really like you and I think you know it. I hesitate because I still feel as though we’re in that stage of a relationship where we’re both just putting up a front to try and impress the other. I want to break past that. I want this to work.